Angeline 9-15 evening report

Angeline, sweet Angeline, how happy I will be when there are no more blue dots between you and me. Went to see our girl this evening. She was much perkier, jumping up when she saw me, stumbling as fast as she could to the front of her cage and tumbling into my arms. She settled right in, I wrapped her in a soft blanket brought from home, she fell asleep while I stroked her head. About 1/2 hour later she stirred and needed to "go". I set her in her cage and after she was done she started sniffing about vigorously. I saw a little bit of canned food fallen near her water bowl, scooped it up and she took it lustily. They had offered her some canned food shortly before my arrival and she had taken a few bites. Now though, our girl was ready for some serious eating. She inhaled all they would allow. Go Angeline.

So for those playing at home, that's three Good Things:
Perkier = a Good Thing
Sleeping soundly (hopefully indicating she is more comfortable) = a Good Thing
Eating vigorously = a Good Thing

The not so good things are that we are still no closer to figuring out how she got to the point she is at and if there is something still wrong other than starvation. Tomorrow am we should have results of three more tests. For tonight pray that her appetite continues and those "little gut cells" continue to mend themselves. Angeline is doing her part, she is holding up her end of the bargain and fighting the good fight. I have to hold up my end of the bargain and be strong for her and work to find the resources to help and give her what she needs to continue. But for right now, I am bleary eyed, my head is foggy, and I must sleep.

Angeline 9-15 am update

The good news about Angeline is that she seems to be a little perkier this morning. She was up at the front of her cage when the doctor came and not curled up in the corner. The other good news is that she licked a little food. She didn't really eat much but it's good that she is interested in eating food again. The bad news is that she ripped out her central line last night. I guess perkier has it downsides too. The central line delivers the TPN directly to her bloodstream and that is what provides her the nutrients she needs right now. They are trying to put a central line back in but her veins are tiny, her blood pressure is still down, so it's difficult. Which means the other bad news is that I can't go visit her this morning. They need to get the line in and they need to work on it now and this is visiting time. For those counting, that's two more Good Things.

Angeline's medical bills are astronomical. They will easily approach $5000 by the time she can come home. They are about $3300 as of this morning. We had about $2000 and we raised just over $1000 yesterday. If we are going to be able to keep Angeline in the hospital which is where she needs to be, we need your help. If enough people give even a small amount we can give Angeline her life back. There is a chip-in started, I'll try to figure out how to get that on our blog and we can take donations at paypal: http://www.petfinder.com/shelters/MN206.html or by snail mail at: Safe Hands Rescue - P.O. box 19623 - Minneapolis, MN 55419-0623.

Angeline 9-14 evening report

Tonight Vyto came with me to follow the blue dots that end with Angeline. The walk down the hallways feels surreal. It feels like this is a scene from a movie and at any minute someone will yell "cut" and life will resume as normal, all of this just a bad fantasy. But the scene is not interrupted, our progress is not delayed and one foot after another we follow the blue dots.

Angeline looks so small in her cage in the ICU. It takes my breath away. There is one really strong little girl inside that frail body and she is really fighting to stay alive. I wonder how it can be that I can love this tiny thing so much, a stranger to me just days ago. But I do. I say exactly that to her attending veterinarian. She tells me she knows, she just met Angeline a day ago and already she loves her too. She loves Angeline too. It so good to know that Angeline is being cared for by someone there that loves her too.

As I hold Angeline snuggled in, her eyes close and her head drops and she sleeps soundly in my arms. I don't want to put her down, ever. I want to send everything good in me right into her through my skin and warmth and energy. After a while she starts to get restless and I know she has to "go". I put her down and she stumbles around on her pee pad while I try to keep all the tubes and lines out of the way. I think afterwards she might want to curl up and rest in her cage but she does not. She teeters over and nearly pitches herself off the edge of the cage to be back in my arms. She settles back in and I hold her while Vyto strokes her head gently. We tell her how much we love her, how many people are pulling for her. We tell her how brave she is and what a good girl too. When it is time to go I kiss her head and breathe her in and it's so hard to put her down.

The news tonight is that doctors have now ruled out another thing, Addison's disease. We have added yet another supplement to her regimen. Tomorrow we hope that the TPN and the "good stuff" they are pumping in her stomach to heal those "tiny gut cells" can work their magic and that Angeline can start to turn a corner. We know she has a long road, we just want her to be walking in the right direction. And we'll be right by her side every step of the way.

I am aware that we don't want to make her suffer unnecessarily. Losing Angeline would be very painful but Angeline comes first. I had a frank conversation with the vet about this and she believes that Angeline has a fighting chance and it's too soon to wave the white flag of surrender. She believes Angeline wants to be here and if Angeline has not given up then I don't want to give up on her.

She seemed more alert tonight than last night. She clearly wanted to be held, to have that connection. She's still in there, still wanting to be here. For now, I'll take that.

Angeline Update 9-14 3 pm

I just received a call from the hospital. The treatments they started this morning have stablized Angeline for now. This is a Good Thing. They have so far ruled out kidney disease for the loss of protein, they have ruled out an intussuseption (where one part of the intestine slides back into the intestine and creates a blockage) and pancreatitis. Ruling these things out is a Good Thing. The nutritionist said we can move forward with the IV TPN for nutrition directly into her bloodstream. This also will allow them to put a different liquid food directly into her intestines that should provide better support to her "little gut cells" and hopefully give them a better opportunity to heal. Hopefully this will also be a Good Thing. I have decided I need to start counting the Good Things and focusing on them. So here are three Good Things.

Angeline 9-14 am

I just got a call from the U of M. They are more guarded this morning. They still speak in terms of "in a couple of days" what we might be looking at for treatment or "in a couple of days" what we might expect in terms of signs of improvement, but I'm not sure Angeline has a couple of days. Her protein level has decreased slightly and they think she seems a little listless. They are adding something called Hetastarch to her IV and switching some of her medications around to see if they can make a difference. They are also consulting a nutritionist about giving her something called TPN which goes in IV and provides some nutritional support. It won't help her gain any weight but may be able to keep her stable while they work on settling down her guts and getting them able to absorb nutrients again. She will continue to get Clinicare nutrition through her feeding tube. They said her "little gut cells" need to be coated in nutrition to heal themselves. No results from the tests yet, they expect one back this morning to tell us if she is losing protein in her urine (very bad), one this afternoon hopefully to tell us if she has Addison's (normally treatable I guess but not likely in her case), and are starting another one to culture for a few other gastrointestinal things like camplobachter or salmonella. That test takes "a few days".

So I'm not sure where this leaves things except that it leaves me feeling a sense of helplessness, desperation and rage. It is not right that she should fight so hard all on her own and not make it when she is finally someplace she can get help. I try to remember Minnie, she was so thin and weak she could not stand or even sit. It was a few days in the ICU before she took her first three stumbling steps. But Minnie made it and she is healthy, happy and here. I am hoping Angeline can follow in her predecessor's footsteps.

I'll be visiting Angeline this evening and will update afterwards...sooner if I get any other news.

Thanks for reading, thanks for caring about Angeline and please keep her in your prayers.

Lynne

Angeline, Sweet Angeline

In doing animal rescue there are sometimes great highs and sometimes great lows. We relish the happiness and the success stories, we struggle through the hard times and the horrible things we sometimes see. Without mincing words, today is not a high, today is a low. And I'm writing to ask for your help. Here is the story so far...

Angeline

I am following the blue dots to Angeline. I have been instructed to follow the blue dots on the floor which will lead me to the ICU unit of the U of M Small Animal Hospital. The memories flood back from the last time I made this trip, to visit another Safe Hands kid named Minnie who's condition was similar to where Angeline finds herself now. As has happened before I breathe deeply to be strong for this strong little girl.

I first met Angeline less than 48 hours before when she arrived on the latest transport of dogs from the high kill shelter we work with. We knew she was "thin" and we'd been told she "doesn't feel well" with the only details that she lay curled up in a ball in the shelter - a behavior as likely to be anxiety and fear based as anything else. I had, in fact, been told it might just be her nerves. So nothing really prepared us for what we found when we found Angeline.

I had set up a wire kennel for her in a quiet room with a bed and blankets. I wasn't there when she was let into it so when I first saw her she was, as described, curled up in a ball on the bed. I could tell she was mighty thin. She was also mighty scared and resented any intrusion into her new soft, safe space. I set about gaining her trust and making friends. Then, finally, it was time to gather her up and take stock.

When Angeline's tiny body unveiled itself, well there are no words really. I want to write something beautiful about this beautiful girl. I want to be clever but my heart just aches and I am not sure I'm over the shock quite yet. I'm not sure I ever will be.

It was immediately clear that Angeline needed more than we could give her at home. I wrapped her in a blanket and held her close. I could feel the fear melt as she leaned into me, relaxed and rested her head on my chest. Her relief at being held, feeling the heat and the heartbeat of another revealed the vulnerable little girl underneath the tough, scared exterior. In an instant I understood how strong she is, how strong she'd had to be, and that she needed someone to take over now. She entrusted her life to us.

I can tell you this: Angeline arrived very alert, very aware of all that was going on and very interested in preserving her life. There is clearly a spunky, sweet spirit inside this girl. Some may question the wisdom or audacity of trying to save Angeline. As I held her in my arms I questioned that too. But Angeline wants to save Angeline. She's worked really hard at it. I can't be the one to take her life away or to deny her the chance to see the fight through to victory. I thought about how much I love the name of our group, how much I love to say "you are in safe hands now" because once they are in Safe Hands that is true. And so I told Angeline that she was in safe hands. That we would support her fight and give her all that we could give. I do not lie when I tell you she looked into my eyes and gave me the softest kisses before snuggling her head back under my neck.

So Angeline is at the U of M in ICU. She is fighting to live. There are no good answers yet about what is wrong. There are possibilities, some with better prognosis than others. The doctors try to support and stabilize her while they figure out the what and why of how she got to where she is now which is not much more than skin covering bones. It is amazing she is still alive, still alert, still trying to save herself. She has a nasal-gastric feeding tube supplying her with a special liquid nutrient rich diet and an IV tube pumping in fluids, antibiotics and pain medication. She still watches everything when she is awake and remains alert to her surroundings. She sleeps a lot and she needs that. We hope and pray that her body can heal.

I visited her this evening and was shocked all over again at her condition. They handed her to me, a quivering mess of skin and bones wrapped in a faux sheepskin blanket. As before I took her in my arms and held her to my chest, the quivering stopped, she breathed deeply. I stroked her head, she loves this. Her eyes got heavy, she laid her head down. I sat in a chair. leaned back and let her rest on my belly. I told her that we all love her. I told her, over and over, that I love her. I told her she was brave and strong. I told her we were all pulling for.her. And I also told her that if she needed to go she could go, that it was up to her and we loved her no matter what. Then I just held her while she slept. I could feel the whisper soft exhale of her breaths against my arm. I became entranced in the rhythm of the tiny puffs of air and thanked God for them. When it was time to hand her back I stuff my face inside her cone and kissed her head and she rested her forehead against my cheek. I managed to hold back the tears until the moment her tiny body left my arms.

I want to put her in that bubble with the boy that will keep her safe from everything. I want to cast a spell of healing and protection. To meet her is to feel the overwhelming desire to make her world right again. I want to hold her close and roar the mighty roar of momma Lioness that will chase all the Bad Things away. I want this to be enough. Of course it is not.

And so Angeline is in the ICU with a team of doctors that can hopefully give her what I cannot. I'm told she has not deteriorated since she got here, however, there are no major improvements either. I'm told that if Angeline survives it will be many months before she is fully recovered and to expect her progress to be slow. I'm told she remains interested in food and that she continues to have a will to live. They try to keep my expectations realistic and my spirit optimistic.

We should have more test results Monday morning which may give us clues that will help the doctors help her. Tonight I try to find the words to tell you about Angeline and to ask for your help. Times are so damn tough. Everyone is struggling. It's hard to ask anyone for anything. And yet, Angeline's life depends on it and so I'm asking. We can keep her in the hospital another couple days with the funds we have (her medical bill is already over $1200) but she is going to need more than that. Our ability to provide what she needs depends on the generosity of others. I know many people really don't have anything to give but healing thoughts and prayers and those are also gratefully accepted.

As I sit here and write a cover version of Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time plays on the radio. I listen to the words, "if you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting, time after time". Angeline was falling, I want Safe Hands to be able to catch her in a net of security and bring her safely home. Please help us help Angeline if you can.

Donations can be made via paypal by clicking the link on this page:
http://www.petfinder.com/shelters/MN206.html

Checks can be mailed to:
Safe Hands Rescue - P.O. box 19623 - Minneapolis, MN 55419-0623

For now I will follow the blue dots to Angeline and I will pray that when Angeline is feeling lost she can look and she will find us, the Safe Hands family, standing strong behind her, to bring her home.

Thanks for listening and best to all of you in these hard times. I will post updates on Angeline to our blog which can be found here:


Lynne

What puppies do best - Day 26

Our big guy is quite handsome

He has decided he likes belly rubs before bedtime

So tired

Can barely hold my head up

Getting that glazed over, sleepy time look

And we are out! What do puppies do best? Naptime!