Angeline video

This is a little video Wendy made of Angeline's first morning in her home, showing her meds, feeding schedule and sweetness herself taking a nap!

http://sharing.theflip.com/session/9e13363a7dfb98cccfec3230128695ae/video/6297683

Angeline 9-25 Ups!

Today is a good day. Angeline's morning weigh in was a good one. She gained back the last weight she lost plus 1/2 ounce. Go Clinicare! Go Angeline!

Angeline 9-24 Ups & Downs

We continue to have ups and downs with little Miss Angeline. The good news is that she is alert, active, and has bonded well with both Wendy & Tina. She enjoys checking out her new house and has done well with the cats. The not so great news is that we continue to struggle with her weight. She maintained for a day, then dropped again, despite upping her caloric intake slightly. We solicited a second opinion from an internal medicine specialist and have added Clinicare back into her diet mixing it with her E/N food at each meal. If you've followed Safe Hands for a while you will remember Minnie, baby girl, skin and bones, who also spent time in the ICU at the U of M. She was sent home on a diet of E/N and Clinicare and this is what worked for her. We are hopeful it will work with Angeline too and allow her to put some weight back on her tiny frame.

Angeline 9-22-09

Have you ever seen a face so beautiful?


So Sunday night and all day Monday I revelled in Angeline. I admired her beautiful face and her beautiful and strong spirit. I let her take her time to feel comfortable in her new space and with me. It didn't take long before she was crawling in my lap and giving more sweet Angeline kisses. Unfortunately since I have a job I need to pay my bills and I was not allowed to bring her with me I had to find someone else to care for her. Her crazy med and feeding schedule requires round the clock care.

Tuesday morning dawned bittersweet. I was over the moon that Angeline was "home", eating all she was allowed, taking her meds as well as a girl can be expected and overall doing well. But I had to hand her care over to someone else after building a bond of trust. I consider Angeline and Safe Hands very fortunate to have the excellent care of Wendy Vankerhove of Fresh Air Training and her partner Tina in which to place Angeline. Wendy and Tina are dedicated animal lovers with experience dealing with critically ill and injured animals. Wendy re-arranged her dog training schedule to accommodate Angeline's needs with Tina taking evening shift. Big thank you to both of you for taking on our little girl!

Of course, things rarely go as smooth as one would like and Angeline's weigh in revealed that she had lost five ounces. I was panic striken. It took 45 minutes to get through to anyone at the U of M and longer to get any answers. They determined that my panic was perhaps a bit misplaced and felt that it was natural since she was off all the feeding tubes and having to digest all her solid food herself now to expect this. It wasn't an answer I liked but hey, it's what I got.

So off to Wendy and Tina's house. Angeline got all tucked in to her new area with her familiar bed and toys and I had to leave Wendy and Angeline to get acquainted. I left my heart on the stairs on the way out.

Gazelle

Doesn't she look like a little gazelle?

Angeline 9-22

This is one of Angeline's favorite positions to sleep in, legs straight and tucked right up to her body, feet under her head. So funny and so cute.



I am delinquent in filling you in Angeline's progress. The truth is that Sunday night and Monday I felt like I imagine it is when you bring a newborn home. I couldn't stop staring at her. I watched her sleep for hours. If I managed to drag myself out of the room I'd be back peeking around the corner minutes later just to be sure she was still there and get a glimpse of her sweet, sweet face. For several hours I laid on the kitchen floor, my head in her bed, Angeline sleeping soundly on my stomach. There was no place I would have rather been. With Angeline's warm (albiet very scrawny) body resting contentedly, warm, safe, the world seemed like it was OK. We got her in time and we are fortunate that we have a place like the U of M that can provide top of the line lifesaving care. We are also fortunate that we had doctors there who cared about our little orphan girl and who would not give up on her.

Angeline is being fed every four hours round the clock and has an impressive array of medications. Her care schedule is intense with some medications needing to come one hour before a meal, others 1/2 hour before a meal and yet others with a meal. I put everything into an Excel spreadsheet, printed it out, set my phone alarms for each next "event" in our day and crossed each off as we accomplished it. Angeline ate all she was allowed and took her medicines like the little trooper she is.

So my apologies for the delinquency, I was very busy revelling in Angeline!

Sunday night

Here is Angeline, finally at home, finally without that dreaded cone, finally able to really sleep and sleep she did. Look at how happy and peaceful her face looks!

Angeline at home in her new bed

Feeling sleepy...just about to nod off to dreamland.

Angeline checks out her new friend

In the car on the way home.

Angeline is home

I got back about an hour and a half ago with Angeline. She is such a brave little girl. Most of the dogs leaving the ICU are ecstatic to go back to their family and home. Angeline doesn't have a family or home she knows to go back to. This is why I have visited her at every opportunity, so she has at least something sort of familiar. How scary it must be though to be so small, have fought such an epic battle and have nothing you know in this world. She was pretty happy to leave the hospital in any case. I set her in her bed in the passenger seat. She sniffed the blankets and the stuffed bunny friend I brought with for her. She looked around and decided her best bet was to have a walk about in the car and find something to eat. This was not going to work and she has a strict doctors orders diet to follow so I ended up wrapping her in her blanket and holding her with one arm while driving. I know, real safe right? She was content to look out the window and seemed fascinated at watching the big world go by outside.

When we arrived home it was feeding time. I put Angeline's bed in the kitchen and set her in it. She ate all her food and promptly nodded her tiny head off to sleep. That's where she's been ever since. She is resting contentedly and I can't stop staring at her. It's hard to believe that she is here and I want to scoop her up and never put her down but I know she needs to rest. So I sit and watch.

Angeline's morning visit

I must confess that my morning visit with Angeline left me feeling less than ecstatic. She came to the front of the cage to see me but stood there looking wide eyed and a little glum. She let me put a blanket over her shoulders and lift her into my arms. I held her while she slept. A far cry from yesterday morning's little energetic monkey butt. But her breath came deep and regular and I thought back to the first visit I had with her in the ICU when her breaths were just wisps against my arm and I thought about how grateful I was for them, then and now. When I left she was looking equally glum at being put back in her cage. My feelings mirrored the look on her face.

Angeline breaks my heart. She has gained over 1/2 pound since she arrived in the ICU but I don't know where she put it because to look at her one still has to marvel that she is alive and walking around. She clearly wants to be held and snuggled, she knows what that is, she knows that it is good and that she likes it. But she has also clearly learned not to trust in the goodness. Someone has done things to her, bad things. The conflict on her face and in her body is obvious and, well, heartbreaking. Wanting so much to feel safe and comforted in someone's arms but being so afraid to believe in that goodness. She is always waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop, she startles easily, I have to move my hands slowly when I am holding her and even then her eyes get big and she watches me closely.

She is one scrappy, sassy, spunky girl, she's had to be to survive.

I also want to say that you did it, the prayers, voodoo magic, energy waves, healing energy, whatever it is, you did it. Angeline's fever is dropping and I'll be picking her up in an hour to come Home.

Angeline 9-20 first am update

I have not gone to see Angeline yet, leaving soon. But this morning's report has me all anxious and edgy. She spiked a fever late last night. They took out her central line with delivered the TPN. She was almost done with that anyway and eating well. She is already on several antibiotics. But this morning her fever persists and her stools are looser again. I'm told she is still perky and active but this is not going in the right direction. We were really pushing the envelope keeping Angeline in the ICU this long, only able to do due to a loan that we need to fundraise to pay back. I don't know what we will do if Angeline's fever doesn't go down.

If anyone is reading this and you are praying kind of people, now would be a good time. I'll take any healing energy, positivity sent to the universe on her behalf, heaing spells or whatever your beliegs are as well.

Angeline 9-19 pm

This evening I decided I had to be quick to offer an alternative to Angeline's flying leap so I knelt down next to her cage and made my lap even with the bottom of it as I opened the door. Angeline could then just walk out onto it. She really didn't like this idea as much as her own. She wasn't so sure if she could trust stepping right onto me. Finally she did though and I had the girl out. Her lines were once again all tangled and one of the techs came over to tediously unwind them all. Angeline is a busy girl I guess.

They gave me a tall chair and I sat in it with Angeline. We got to take her cone off for this visit! She was nervous at first as she always is but then settled in and napped contentedly for about an hour or so. She loves one of the techs there who I believe has shown her some special attention. Angeline's eye follow her everywhere. I am glad to know she's being loved.

She continues to do well and so far it looks like she can come home tomorrow.

Angeline 9-19 am

Mutual understanding be damned, this morning Angeline took matters into her own hands. Apparently the flying leap thing was working well for her. I opened the cage, she ran to the front in her sort of stumbling gate and launched herself towards me. I caught her and landed her safely in my lap. We have to work on this...

This morning Angeline was not content to sit in my lap and watch the world go by. She was ready to participate. She wanted down and she wanted to go on a walk about in the ICU. Thing is she is not allowed to do that. Our visit started with Angeline trying to find a way out of my lap, me trying to make a fence with my arms to keep her in. Relentless, persistant, Angeline wanted what Angeline wanted. I decided this was not going to do and stood up thinking if I held her she could see more and surely wouldn't try to jump from that height. She did survey the kingdom she'd been living in for a brief period but then the struggling resumed. So much so that she kept getting her lines tangled and setting off the alarms on her IV monitors.

Too many alarms cut our visit a bit short. I went to put her back in her cage and she craned her body hard against me, craned her neck and face away from the cage, clearly expressing her desire NOT to be put back. Since she more or less owns me this was a problem. Who am I to disobey Angeline? A kind tech seeing our problem brought over Angeline's meal and she was all too happy to go in her cage to eat. I had to take advantage of the opportunity to leave without her huge, pleading eyes tearing at my heart.

So the morning report was that Angeline continues to feel better and better. No more formed poo but they said that is to be expected. After all she's been through it will be quite some time before Angeline is anything close to normal.

Angeline 9-18 pm report

Here is Angeline, once again in my arms, here I am, once again all gowned and gloved up so that they let me hold her.

Mutual understanding. Angeline and I are trying to come to a mutual understanding. We are trying to close the gap from her cage to my lap, her fear to my confidence in her ability to overcome. A kind tech in the ICU tried to explain to me her mutual understanding with Angeline and how she picks her up but sadly she was not really able to demonstrate because Angeline came flying out the front of the cage so I think the woman just really had time to catch her and help her land gently in my lap. It seems Angeline was going to take matters into her own hands.

Once in my lap Angeline snuggled in, periodically closed her eyes and slept and otherwise was quite alert and attentive to all that was going on around her. She seems to crave the warmth, the heartbeat, the security of a lap and blanket, but calmly please, not too much fuss. Wrapped in the blanket she stops quivering, she is comforted.

The evening report is that she continues to eat well and that they discontinued using the feeding tube to her stomach instead letting her just eat (and still get the TPN directly to her bloodstream). This is a step towards coming home. They have also switched most of her meds to the oral formula, also a step towards coming home. She is so much brighter eyed, she is awake so much more. Three Good Things.

The kind tech who caught flying Angeline told me she'd taken Angeline outside (TPN line and bag trailing) for a short time today and she reported Angeline sniffed the air vigorously and walked around tentatively. The tech also let Angeline snuggle in and held her while she slept. I was amazingly grateful to know Angeline had that kind of care. One of the ICU doctors told me she has become the unofficial ICU mascot, she said they will miss her when she goes. I am amazingly grateful also that we have a facility here with committed individuals that could save the life of a tiny little girl dog.

Next steps for Angeline are to finish this bag of TPN which will be done by Sunday am. To continue eating on her own and to be able to eat enough on her own to sustain her daily caloric needs. Soon she will need to be off IV fluids too and able to sustain herself that way as well. Then she can Come Home. Her care will be monitored closely. She will need small, frequent meals, her calories will be counted and gradually increased so she can put weight on her tiny, emmaciated little frame. But soon, she can come home.

A week ago tonight at this time I was just getting my first real look at Angeline, at her unbelievable condition, I was about to get in my car and take her right to the e vet. A week ago tonight we didn't know if Angeline had a chance to survive. This week has been a year and a minute both. In the living it out it felt like it lasted an eternity, each day agonizingly full of decisions, angst, worry. In the looking back it feels like a dream, like walking through a foggy whirlwind and popping out on the other side. It feels like time stood still, like one big breath in and no out breath until just today.

Still, every time I see Angeline I am horrified by her body condition. I have seen her every day for one week now but each time it's like a punch in the gut all over again. I should be used to it but I am not. Her body looks so wrong and I can't get my head around the fact that she can look that way and still be alive. It simply does not compute, like an inalienable truth that has been breached. The new inalienable truth is that Angeline is one tough cookie.

Angeline 9-18 am

So I don't know why I can't get this picture on here horizontally as it should be, it is saved as a .jpg in the correct, horizontal position but no matter what I do this damn blog turns it on it's side....sigh. So here is a twisty up picture of Angeline at our morning visit. Yes, that is me all gowned up holding her.


Welcome to the world of rescue where happiness is....firm poop. Yep, that's right, only in the fun and fascinating world of rescue can entire conversations be had and worlds revolve around the consistency of poo. And today, Angeline had formed poop. I was there, the entire ICU cheered!

This morning we decided to stay the course, costs be damned, and keep Angeline on TPN for two more days. Without this she would "potentially" remain stable and be OK. After all we've been through "potentially" will not do. So onward and upward (the bill for sure) we go.

The morning's report brought these Good Things:
Angeline's total protein's levels are up
Angeline continues to eat and continues to have to "go" less often indicating that her body is starting to absorb the food she is eating
The salmonella test came back negative
She continues to be more alert, inquistive and active

Four Good Things.

My morning visit was an interesting one. Angeline came to the front of her cage and clearly wanted to be in my lap. She did not, however, want to be picked up to get there. So there we sat, my lap and Angeline so close and yet so far. If I tried to pick her up she got scared and shrieked. The staff said she is deathly afraid of having her little bum touched as it had gotten so red, raw and incredibly painful. Couple that with the fact that so often when she gets picked up it's for some unpleasant or even painful medical "thing". So there we sat, her prancing at the cage front, staring at my lap, nosing forward and then shrieking and backing up. A nice thick blanket to the rescue and I was able to wrap her up and scoop her quickly into my lap where she lay contentedly for quite some time. When visiting hours were up and I had to go I tried to put her back in the cage and my poor baby girl turned her head away and pushed back from my arm in clear protest. Break my heart.

I learn things about Angeline every day. The truth is that we don't really know much about her, what she likes or does not, what her fears or anxieties might be, does she know how to play? We know she gets spooked easily by loud noises or fast movements. We know she likes to be held in someone's arms or lap but does not like to be picked up to get there. She seems to take great comfort in being held and in particular wrapped in a blanket. She's curious about the world around her. We know she will give little kisses but it has to be when she's feeling brave and it has to be on her terms. We don't know how she's been treated, if she was mistreated or just neglected (because the neglect is obvious). We do know that we will do everything in our power to show her the good in the world, show her what it is liked to be loved and help her be the happiest and most confident little girl she can be.

Angeline's little upturned nose

How can anyone not love this little face? Don't you want to scoop her right up? I know I do.

Angeline 9-17 Evening Report

Although they are ever present I don't need the blue dots any longer to find Angeline, I know how to find her in my sleep. She haunts my dreams, is my last thought before sleep and the first thought before awake fully claims me. But today, when I think of Angeline I am quietly jubilant. I am trying to maintain reason, afraid to be overly optimistic, but I want to laugh out loud and sing (really, really off key) because today I believe that Angeline is going to live.

On our evening visit the little pixie girl was tired after what I'm told was a big day of being much friskier and more perky than she's been since she arrived. She was laying down but all too happy to be fawned over and to have her beautiful little head stroked. Her eyes were so much brighter than they have been. She was very attentive and taking in everything.

When her eyes closed and she slept I sat and stared at her beautiful face. Angeline's little nose with the pink spot right at the base, the slightly turned up nose, the three little freckled dots on the right side. The tan on her head surrounding one eye completely and wrapping ever so gently around the other, slightly more on top like eyeshadow, slightly less on the bottom like eyeliner. Her features so delicate. She is mesmerizing, captivating.

The Good Things are that she has continued to have a good day, continued to eat, continued to maintain her blood pressure and continued to be more active. Tomorrow morning we have big decisions to make about her care but if she continues to do well she'll be home from the ICU in a few days. Soon there will be no more blue dots between Safe Hands and Angeline.

Angeline!!

I'm trying to contain myself and not be overly excited or too optimistic but I am failing miserably. Dr. Melissa just went to visit Angeline in ICU. Our girl pretty muched jumped into her arms, snuggled in, demanded to be stroked and loved up. She's much peppier and happier and Dr. Melissa is feeling really good about her. It takes about 30 seconds after meeting Angeline to be madly in love with her by the way. She's a charming, charismatic little character. Our big struggle now is being able to pay to keep her in the ICU a few more days. Angeline thinks she'd like to come home today. We'd like to keep her in the hospital three more days, this would allow her to have two more days of TPN and one day off TPN to be sure she will not only remain stable but continue to improve. If we can find the money to do this though, barring anything unforseen, Angeline will live!! I want to scream it from the mountain tops.

Angeline 9-17 - Good Morning!

This morning's Angeline report from ICU is the best yet. She is perkier today and has maintained a stable blood pressure since yesterday morning. She took an interest in food last night and has been eating small amounts frequently ever since. She is also having to "go" less often, less diahrrea. Her CBC numbers look better too. If anyone has the scorecard, that is four more Good Things! Her albumen in still low but they feel it will take a long time for that to return to normal.

Keep the good thoughts coming. If Angeline can continue to improve to she can come home in a couple of days.

Angeline 9-16

I have been remiss in my updates today. It is hard to keep the faith sometimes and maintain a positive outlook. The morning report on Angeline was that things remained largely unchanged but the TPN she needed didn't arrive until early this morning so she was off it for 24 hours. This meant we couldn't really expect any major improvement. I have no idea if I will spell these things right but they ruled out three more things, giardia, cryptosporosis and histoplasmosis. This leaves salmonella or IBD or "simple" starvation. Or it leaves something even more twisted...

I found out yesterday that Angeline came from a meth house. I called the shelter and asked them to call her previous owners and appeal to any love they had for her and any sense of decency to tell us about her medical history, anything that would help us help her. They denied there was ever anything wrong with the "damn" dog. But then, someone at the shelter overheard the conversation and after some uncomfortable shifting and stammering finally revealed that the couple were known to make, sell (and use) methampetamine. So this brings us to this - did she ingest something used to make the meth? Did they simply not feed her because they are more concerned with other things and she was forgotten?

So it's just one more piece of the puzzle to her past and it just makes me her seem so much more vulnerable. Has she ever known anyone that loved her?

This evening when I visited she was sleeping and did not get up. I covered her with the blanket I brought and stroked her head. If I stopped stroking she would open her eyes and shoot me an indignant sort of look until I started again and she drifted off to dreamland. The doctor said she was sleeping more today, we don't know if this is a Good Thing or a not so good thing. Her vitals are still the same, her blood pressure was good today.

We will see what tomorrow morning brings with 24 hours of TPN in her bloodstream and Vivinex in her stomach for the "little gut cells". Heal little gut cells, heal.

Angeline 9-15 evening report

Angeline, sweet Angeline, how happy I will be when there are no more blue dots between you and me. Went to see our girl this evening. She was much perkier, jumping up when she saw me, stumbling as fast as she could to the front of her cage and tumbling into my arms. She settled right in, I wrapped her in a soft blanket brought from home, she fell asleep while I stroked her head. About 1/2 hour later she stirred and needed to "go". I set her in her cage and after she was done she started sniffing about vigorously. I saw a little bit of canned food fallen near her water bowl, scooped it up and she took it lustily. They had offered her some canned food shortly before my arrival and she had taken a few bites. Now though, our girl was ready for some serious eating. She inhaled all they would allow. Go Angeline.

So for those playing at home, that's three Good Things:
Perkier = a Good Thing
Sleeping soundly (hopefully indicating she is more comfortable) = a Good Thing
Eating vigorously = a Good Thing

The not so good things are that we are still no closer to figuring out how she got to the point she is at and if there is something still wrong other than starvation. Tomorrow am we should have results of three more tests. For tonight pray that her appetite continues and those "little gut cells" continue to mend themselves. Angeline is doing her part, she is holding up her end of the bargain and fighting the good fight. I have to hold up my end of the bargain and be strong for her and work to find the resources to help and give her what she needs to continue. But for right now, I am bleary eyed, my head is foggy, and I must sleep.

Angeline 9-15 am update

The good news about Angeline is that she seems to be a little perkier this morning. She was up at the front of her cage when the doctor came and not curled up in the corner. The other good news is that she licked a little food. She didn't really eat much but it's good that she is interested in eating food again. The bad news is that she ripped out her central line last night. I guess perkier has it downsides too. The central line delivers the TPN directly to her bloodstream and that is what provides her the nutrients she needs right now. They are trying to put a central line back in but her veins are tiny, her blood pressure is still down, so it's difficult. Which means the other bad news is that I can't go visit her this morning. They need to get the line in and they need to work on it now and this is visiting time. For those counting, that's two more Good Things.

Angeline's medical bills are astronomical. They will easily approach $5000 by the time she can come home. They are about $3300 as of this morning. We had about $2000 and we raised just over $1000 yesterday. If we are going to be able to keep Angeline in the hospital which is where she needs to be, we need your help. If enough people give even a small amount we can give Angeline her life back. There is a chip-in started, I'll try to figure out how to get that on our blog and we can take donations at paypal: http://www.petfinder.com/shelters/MN206.html or by snail mail at: Safe Hands Rescue - P.O. box 19623 - Minneapolis, MN 55419-0623.

Angeline 9-14 evening report

Tonight Vyto came with me to follow the blue dots that end with Angeline. The walk down the hallways feels surreal. It feels like this is a scene from a movie and at any minute someone will yell "cut" and life will resume as normal, all of this just a bad fantasy. But the scene is not interrupted, our progress is not delayed and one foot after another we follow the blue dots.

Angeline looks so small in her cage in the ICU. It takes my breath away. There is one really strong little girl inside that frail body and she is really fighting to stay alive. I wonder how it can be that I can love this tiny thing so much, a stranger to me just days ago. But I do. I say exactly that to her attending veterinarian. She tells me she knows, she just met Angeline a day ago and already she loves her too. She loves Angeline too. It so good to know that Angeline is being cared for by someone there that loves her too.

As I hold Angeline snuggled in, her eyes close and her head drops and she sleeps soundly in my arms. I don't want to put her down, ever. I want to send everything good in me right into her through my skin and warmth and energy. After a while she starts to get restless and I know she has to "go". I put her down and she stumbles around on her pee pad while I try to keep all the tubes and lines out of the way. I think afterwards she might want to curl up and rest in her cage but she does not. She teeters over and nearly pitches herself off the edge of the cage to be back in my arms. She settles back in and I hold her while Vyto strokes her head gently. We tell her how much we love her, how many people are pulling for her. We tell her how brave she is and what a good girl too. When it is time to go I kiss her head and breathe her in and it's so hard to put her down.

The news tonight is that doctors have now ruled out another thing, Addison's disease. We have added yet another supplement to her regimen. Tomorrow we hope that the TPN and the "good stuff" they are pumping in her stomach to heal those "tiny gut cells" can work their magic and that Angeline can start to turn a corner. We know she has a long road, we just want her to be walking in the right direction. And we'll be right by her side every step of the way.

I am aware that we don't want to make her suffer unnecessarily. Losing Angeline would be very painful but Angeline comes first. I had a frank conversation with the vet about this and she believes that Angeline has a fighting chance and it's too soon to wave the white flag of surrender. She believes Angeline wants to be here and if Angeline has not given up then I don't want to give up on her.

She seemed more alert tonight than last night. She clearly wanted to be held, to have that connection. She's still in there, still wanting to be here. For now, I'll take that.

Angeline Update 9-14 3 pm

I just received a call from the hospital. The treatments they started this morning have stablized Angeline for now. This is a Good Thing. They have so far ruled out kidney disease for the loss of protein, they have ruled out an intussuseption (where one part of the intestine slides back into the intestine and creates a blockage) and pancreatitis. Ruling these things out is a Good Thing. The nutritionist said we can move forward with the IV TPN for nutrition directly into her bloodstream. This also will allow them to put a different liquid food directly into her intestines that should provide better support to her "little gut cells" and hopefully give them a better opportunity to heal. Hopefully this will also be a Good Thing. I have decided I need to start counting the Good Things and focusing on them. So here are three Good Things.

Angeline 9-14 am

I just got a call from the U of M. They are more guarded this morning. They still speak in terms of "in a couple of days" what we might be looking at for treatment or "in a couple of days" what we might expect in terms of signs of improvement, but I'm not sure Angeline has a couple of days. Her protein level has decreased slightly and they think she seems a little listless. They are adding something called Hetastarch to her IV and switching some of her medications around to see if they can make a difference. They are also consulting a nutritionist about giving her something called TPN which goes in IV and provides some nutritional support. It won't help her gain any weight but may be able to keep her stable while they work on settling down her guts and getting them able to absorb nutrients again. She will continue to get Clinicare nutrition through her feeding tube. They said her "little gut cells" need to be coated in nutrition to heal themselves. No results from the tests yet, they expect one back this morning to tell us if she is losing protein in her urine (very bad), one this afternoon hopefully to tell us if she has Addison's (normally treatable I guess but not likely in her case), and are starting another one to culture for a few other gastrointestinal things like camplobachter or salmonella. That test takes "a few days".

So I'm not sure where this leaves things except that it leaves me feeling a sense of helplessness, desperation and rage. It is not right that she should fight so hard all on her own and not make it when she is finally someplace she can get help. I try to remember Minnie, she was so thin and weak she could not stand or even sit. It was a few days in the ICU before she took her first three stumbling steps. But Minnie made it and she is healthy, happy and here. I am hoping Angeline can follow in her predecessor's footsteps.

I'll be visiting Angeline this evening and will update afterwards...sooner if I get any other news.

Thanks for reading, thanks for caring about Angeline and please keep her in your prayers.

Lynne

Angeline, Sweet Angeline

In doing animal rescue there are sometimes great highs and sometimes great lows. We relish the happiness and the success stories, we struggle through the hard times and the horrible things we sometimes see. Without mincing words, today is not a high, today is a low. And I'm writing to ask for your help. Here is the story so far...

Angeline

I am following the blue dots to Angeline. I have been instructed to follow the blue dots on the floor which will lead me to the ICU unit of the U of M Small Animal Hospital. The memories flood back from the last time I made this trip, to visit another Safe Hands kid named Minnie who's condition was similar to where Angeline finds herself now. As has happened before I breathe deeply to be strong for this strong little girl.

I first met Angeline less than 48 hours before when she arrived on the latest transport of dogs from the high kill shelter we work with. We knew she was "thin" and we'd been told she "doesn't feel well" with the only details that she lay curled up in a ball in the shelter - a behavior as likely to be anxiety and fear based as anything else. I had, in fact, been told it might just be her nerves. So nothing really prepared us for what we found when we found Angeline.

I had set up a wire kennel for her in a quiet room with a bed and blankets. I wasn't there when she was let into it so when I first saw her she was, as described, curled up in a ball on the bed. I could tell she was mighty thin. She was also mighty scared and resented any intrusion into her new soft, safe space. I set about gaining her trust and making friends. Then, finally, it was time to gather her up and take stock.

When Angeline's tiny body unveiled itself, well there are no words really. I want to write something beautiful about this beautiful girl. I want to be clever but my heart just aches and I am not sure I'm over the shock quite yet. I'm not sure I ever will be.

It was immediately clear that Angeline needed more than we could give her at home. I wrapped her in a blanket and held her close. I could feel the fear melt as she leaned into me, relaxed and rested her head on my chest. Her relief at being held, feeling the heat and the heartbeat of another revealed the vulnerable little girl underneath the tough, scared exterior. In an instant I understood how strong she is, how strong she'd had to be, and that she needed someone to take over now. She entrusted her life to us.

I can tell you this: Angeline arrived very alert, very aware of all that was going on and very interested in preserving her life. There is clearly a spunky, sweet spirit inside this girl. Some may question the wisdom or audacity of trying to save Angeline. As I held her in my arms I questioned that too. But Angeline wants to save Angeline. She's worked really hard at it. I can't be the one to take her life away or to deny her the chance to see the fight through to victory. I thought about how much I love the name of our group, how much I love to say "you are in safe hands now" because once they are in Safe Hands that is true. And so I told Angeline that she was in safe hands. That we would support her fight and give her all that we could give. I do not lie when I tell you she looked into my eyes and gave me the softest kisses before snuggling her head back under my neck.

So Angeline is at the U of M in ICU. She is fighting to live. There are no good answers yet about what is wrong. There are possibilities, some with better prognosis than others. The doctors try to support and stabilize her while they figure out the what and why of how she got to where she is now which is not much more than skin covering bones. It is amazing she is still alive, still alert, still trying to save herself. She has a nasal-gastric feeding tube supplying her with a special liquid nutrient rich diet and an IV tube pumping in fluids, antibiotics and pain medication. She still watches everything when she is awake and remains alert to her surroundings. She sleeps a lot and she needs that. We hope and pray that her body can heal.

I visited her this evening and was shocked all over again at her condition. They handed her to me, a quivering mess of skin and bones wrapped in a faux sheepskin blanket. As before I took her in my arms and held her to my chest, the quivering stopped, she breathed deeply. I stroked her head, she loves this. Her eyes got heavy, she laid her head down. I sat in a chair. leaned back and let her rest on my belly. I told her that we all love her. I told her, over and over, that I love her. I told her she was brave and strong. I told her we were all pulling for.her. And I also told her that if she needed to go she could go, that it was up to her and we loved her no matter what. Then I just held her while she slept. I could feel the whisper soft exhale of her breaths against my arm. I became entranced in the rhythm of the tiny puffs of air and thanked God for them. When it was time to hand her back I stuff my face inside her cone and kissed her head and she rested her forehead against my cheek. I managed to hold back the tears until the moment her tiny body left my arms.

I want to put her in that bubble with the boy that will keep her safe from everything. I want to cast a spell of healing and protection. To meet her is to feel the overwhelming desire to make her world right again. I want to hold her close and roar the mighty roar of momma Lioness that will chase all the Bad Things away. I want this to be enough. Of course it is not.

And so Angeline is in the ICU with a team of doctors that can hopefully give her what I cannot. I'm told she has not deteriorated since she got here, however, there are no major improvements either. I'm told that if Angeline survives it will be many months before she is fully recovered and to expect her progress to be slow. I'm told she remains interested in food and that she continues to have a will to live. They try to keep my expectations realistic and my spirit optimistic.

We should have more test results Monday morning which may give us clues that will help the doctors help her. Tonight I try to find the words to tell you about Angeline and to ask for your help. Times are so damn tough. Everyone is struggling. It's hard to ask anyone for anything. And yet, Angeline's life depends on it and so I'm asking. We can keep her in the hospital another couple days with the funds we have (her medical bill is already over $1200) but she is going to need more than that. Our ability to provide what she needs depends on the generosity of others. I know many people really don't have anything to give but healing thoughts and prayers and those are also gratefully accepted.

As I sit here and write a cover version of Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time plays on the radio. I listen to the words, "if you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting, time after time". Angeline was falling, I want Safe Hands to be able to catch her in a net of security and bring her safely home. Please help us help Angeline if you can.

Donations can be made via paypal by clicking the link on this page:
http://www.petfinder.com/shelters/MN206.html

Checks can be mailed to:
Safe Hands Rescue - P.O. box 19623 - Minneapolis, MN 55419-0623

For now I will follow the blue dots to Angeline and I will pray that when Angeline is feeling lost she can look and she will find us, the Safe Hands family, standing strong behind her, to bring her home.

Thanks for listening and best to all of you in these hard times. I will post updates on Angeline to our blog which can be found here:


Lynne